Of Broken Bones & Heart

I like to think that there is a formula for pain,

A formula that balances your broken bones with my broken heart.
A formula that makes it evident that sounds of silence,

Are the same as loud jarring noises on lonely nights.

One that rolls up all the soft tendrils on the edges of the garden

And makes them as comprehensible as the flowers growing within it.

It turns and twists with the sad comedy,

That comes with the undeniable truth that “pain demands to be felt”.

One that sits neatly balancing the sorrow & despair, limitless,

Within this limited world.

One that makes it easy for me to hold large lies in my small hands,

And yet fight with closed fists that cannot be broken open by the toughest machines.

I like to think that there is a formula for pain,

A formula that balances your broken bones with my broken heart.

A formula that strains into existence the reality that an injury from a wayward branch scrapping your knee

Is just as awful as the desolation that crept up in the cells of my body after my first argument with him.

A formula that equates your agony while eating pizza alone after being fired

With my heartache while having dinner with friends and family after the breakup.

I like to think that there is a formula for pain,

A formula that balances your broken bones with my broken heart.

A formula tells you & me that the maps our arteries and veins have designed on our bodies

Are the only ones we should truly follow.

One that tells you as much as it tells me 

That there are affable beings and surreal happenings,

Waiting for us on the other side of this brokenness 

That is consuming us one heartbeat at a time.

I like to think that there is a formula for pain,

A formula that balances your broken bones with my broken heart.

Existences

Source: @kashmirthroughmylens

I've been reading about people visiting Kashmir and Thailand

To find pieces of themselves

I've read them write about their conversations with silence, 

How the sight of their beloved changes the view of the world for them.

I've been reading about mountains that offer company to the loneliest of souls, 

And the seas that seem to stretch beyond the universe

People have found pieces of themselves traveling with strangers, 

While trading stories with them.

They've discovered that their true guide is the heart and not the map.

They've lived life, seen new places,

While I?
I stay here within the same geographical boundary I was a week ago and yet,
Yet, I feel I discover my existence in their words.

Will You Know?

On some evenings,
I wonder,
I wonder who painted the sky so blue,
Who mixed the day & night,
And decided that we should be.
Did He?
Or was it a She?
Was there ever any one?
Maybe the stars just exist,
And sun just shines
By the laws that we humans devised.
Perhaps, magic is just an excuse to excite ourselves,
And dreams of love are frail thoughts let loose.
Who knows?
Did the poets get a glimpse?
Or did the science men discover?
Of the great reality we talk so easily.
Will I ever know?
Will you?

Two Boats

Well it’s been a long journey. And I’m not yet tired. There is still so much left to explore and discover, and even if we run out of things to explore and discover we will have a nice time basking in the memories of our journey. Although a part of me wants that this journey never end, and we travel together all the time, but another part of me knows that this will not be possible. We can’t be in the same boat when we have to travel to different destinations. So unwillingly I have to accept the inevitability of the fact that you and I will travel in different boats for quite some time now.

I know that even though our destinations are different and we both are equally unsure about our reaching them in time, we are guided by the same drive: hunger for achievement. All psychology students will tell you there are primarily four drives in a human being. I consider the drive for achievement to be the dominating one in both of us. After all, we didn’t come onto earth to live and soak in its beauty without contributing to it in whichever way possible. And when we have a chance to choose the way, why not choose the best and make it large?

At times, the way we’ll choose will make us run after it, run all through the day. There will be a point where we’ll feel like giving up on the chosen way and also, on ourselves. Ah! But that is the real test of passion, to hold onto your choice even when nothing around you seems to be making sense. To stay with your choice when the world is telling you to give up. To stay determined. There are ought to be moments when you feel down but remember your greater purpose, the reason for your drive and keep moving. There is no problem if you move slowly; the problem arises if you refuse to move. So don’t.

There will be moments of utter happiness and satisfactions too, enjoy them, but also know that they too, like moments of sorrow are temporary. Remember when Chandragupta Maurya won a battle he did not spend away all night celebrating, he rather started to plan his next move. We need to move with that focus. We need to make our names that large, so that kids centuries after us, know who we were and why we were.

Needless to say there will always be up and downs and we have to face them both with equal courage and foresight. The reason why a term for a roller coaster going only up isn’t coined is because it is highly improbable. The two have to co-exist, up and down, black and white, sweet and sour; that’s what makes our little time on earth worthy of remembering.

We both are similar and not same. I don’t expect you to take the same decisions I consider right, but I do expect you to not take a different decision just because I chose the one you wanted. We can share.

What remains at the end of the day is only how much we contribute, in our own ways, and how close did we get to our greater purpose. I hope we both always remember this and keep moving. After all, there is going to be a time when we both will be on the same boat, for the same destination, again.

This is a piece of work I wrote for my best friend an year ago and never had the wish to email it.

 

Of College, School and Smiles

Hey guys! 

Hope everyone's doing great. My life has been a huge roller coaster lately and even though I get time to post I lack the inspiration at times. Now, when my exams are hardly four days away I feel that I should write (see how weird my brain processes are?) before I get to writing anything let me clear any doubts of any human regarding if college is better than school. No. It is Not. It is so not better. 

Well of course, its more glamorous, and you feel a sense of adulthood when you tell people you're in college, but that's mostly it, no other great perks. It's rather more difficult than school in a way.

 You are just informed about the VAST syllabus, thousand assignments and hundreds of exam. You are responsible for your work.

 Remember those days back in school when the teachers used to correct our "Homework"? Well no one does it in college. Though it is a relief in one sense it is also equally a bane- no one simply cares if you have written anything or not, so when the exams come you're on your own,no one else can be blamed. smart, isn't it? It's fun too.

You have to make your own schedule of study, you HAVE to submit those assignments. No one cares when, how, or where, they just have to magically appear on the teacher's desk on the date of submission. No excuses. This can be done two ways - Either you work on a select portion everyday with a conscious plan of completing it ,or, like me stay up the entire night before the submission day and scribble whatever words related to the topic you can find and pray that your teacher doesn't rusticate you on the grounds of utterly disappointing assignments. Yeah.

Another weird thing about college is that there are no breaks. I mean, hello!? Aren't we humans supposed to eat? College is responsible for half of the malnutrition phases that I mentally imagine myself going through when I'm in the class. What is the use of not assigning breaks? Sure class sessions can be longer and stuff, but wait, if I'm hungry you think I'll be able to focus  in that extended time period ? Let me just eat please! Puh-lease!

A serious thing that troubles me about my college in specific (hope your college doesn't irritate you about this) is the lack of proper sanitation facilities. There are such few open washrooms, the ones that are open are invariably mildly stinky. Though their are more washrooms in the campus they are locked. I did think of going and complaining about it but then I decided that I should inspect all the other washrooms before I do so. So I did. And what I found wasn't pleasing. The washroom was great it had so many facilities, but it wasn't kept that way. It had been littered and dirtied. People had thrown things right on the lid of the dustbin to escape the minute effort of having to lift the lid. So yeah, good hygiene habits and sanitation facilities are very necessary.

But 

Apart from all that college is fun, you have a sense of independence and get to steer your life on your own. So have fun where ever you are whether it's in college or in school, you'll miss it when its over.Smile your way through it all :)

This Identity?

Give yourself a fictitious identity
And live it for a few days.
See the world through those eyes.

Feel the fears, the cheers, the love and the hate.
Laugh at every moment you wish to, 
And dance when ever the music demands.
Be spontaneous. Make friends, appreciate art, cry about the things that worry you.

Love like you've never loved before, 
Like you have only few days on this planet to exist,
To distribute the limitless amount of love you've been gifted with.

Be a traveler on a path you've always been a tourist on.
Make the mistakes you always wanted to.
Be afraid of nothing and live like there actually is no tomorrow.

Stay up all night. 
Talk about stardust, fairies, molecules and pizza.
Tell your deepest secrets, feel fully your inhibitions.
Realize that both you and the night are only as old as you want it to be.

Talk non-stop but enjoy also the few moments of silence when the world slows down,
And it feels like the time has frozen.
Notice the leaves, the puddles, the grass below your feet.

Meet strangers- confide in them your troubles, your dreams and aspirations.
Listen to them too- to their worries, happiness and musings.
And then go away from them, 
Like a minute of an hour that never returns.

Stay away from people,
Or stay with them,
But don't lose yourself.
Remind yourself of your importance,
Of how you are an entire universe within yourself.

Live the fictitious identity any way you wish,
Be someone you don't know,
Or someone you want to know,
Or be someone you've always known.

Travel, Just Travel.

Travel my dear child, from this end of the world to the other,
and then realize that there is no end- the world is round.

Travel meet new people and hear their stories and realize that everyone though has different embellishments the emotions are same.Travel, climb mountains, ford streams, chase rainbows
and then realize the climb is the same.
Travel, breathe in the air of different places, of cold lands and that of hot ones and then realize that you just breathe it in,
Travel, wear different dresses and accessories, roam around in them, then realize that every cloth is for covering one's body
Travel, learn new languages, speak them, realize that they express the same emotions in every language.

Travel, play new games and indulge in varied sports and then realize that all of them are for the purpose of human fitness and entertainment,
Travel, see new roads and lanes, follow them or let them follow you endlessly, and realize that they take you only where you want to go, all of them.
Travel, look out at the trees, observe their minute differences, then realize how man everywhere has used them to his own benefit,
Travel, look at the different animals, see them walk around, realize all exist for the purpose of existing,
Travel, see different lands, high and low, and realize that ultimately you walk on them or at least desire to.

Travel, go to new countries, live in their environment,  then realize that no country is free from troubles and all of them are trying to tackle them,
Travel, see new pieces of art, appreciate them, and realize that they are all expressions of human intellect and are all inter twined,
Travel, eat different foods, relish them, and then realize that they all exist to satisfy man's hunger.

Travel, see buildings, malls, schools, shops, realize their importance in our everyday life.
Travel, look at the mountains, rivers, falls, clouds, feel them and realize that nature has its own way of expressing its love and intellectual capacities.

Travel my dear child, feel new emotions, make memories, capture them.
Let them become a part of the mosaic that you are.

And then realize they made you a richer and better person.

Teacher 2014

I've been meaning to write this post for quite a while now, but due to my impending examinations (just 6 days away) I kept delaying it, putting it off until all my exams got over (that would be 15th of January) but being the impulsive writer that I am I couldn't really contain myself anymore. Too much to ask for.:P


So I've decided to put up what I learned this year in this particular post . Obviously I cant put up Everything, the highlights maybe. This is was typically different for me. I don't even remember this year in a proper chronology! As in what happened when and then what happened and so on (you get it, right? ) I don't even remember this year's festivals properly! (except Diwali somehow :P) So here it goes.

#1 People Are Not What They Seem, Always.
 When we meet someone for the first time we form an impression about them, positive or negative, but we always do. There are many things that contribute to this impression, for example you may have heard about the person from  gossips. And then when you meet them you already have a layer of introduction about them in your mind. As your conversations progress you form a rough idea of how the person perhaps is.
But then here lies the catch. People are not what they seem. The Sweet girl you met may not really be so sweet- well she can even be a serial killer, you never know! And the boy whom you found Super-Rude? probably he has a dysfunctional family and needs you the most.

 #2 Go back to the roots, Introspect.
When I began to really dislike One Direction ( You & I, was that even a proper video! >_<) I started to wonder why I even liked this band in the first place.What Makes You Beautiful came to the rescue, like seriously!
And then I realized as we grow we just keep going on with our choices without re-evaluating them, trusting that the decisions we made in the past were be right and will probably continue to be so. I think that's wrong. We need to sit down with a calm mind, go over the decisions, and think about it. Were the decisions worth it? Were they right? Did they lead you where you wanted to go? Would you, if given a choice, go back in time and take the same decision again?
 Only you can determine your life and your life is a result of the decisions you take, so be careful, decide wisely

#3 People will Always Judge you and your choices.
 
Yes they will. Irrespective of what you do. If you don't talk they'll judge you and even if you talk they'll judge you. You wear outrageously provocative clothes or a burqa, you top the test or score a zero, They Will Judge You. It is human tendency. The best thing to do, thus, is follow your mind, do what you want and not bother about log kya kehenge. Do Not Seek Validation. You are perfect, remember that.
 Your choices, your life, don't let anyone else be a reason why you change your actions or preferences.


#4 Dream big, very Big!

 Wanna score over 90% in the upcoming test? Why not aim for 100% ? you mayn't achieve it, but hey! You may as well. You might end up with a 95%, that's better than the 90% you were aiming for na? Just dreaming isn't of course of any help, you need to work for it. Work hard. "To have something you never had, you need to do something you never did."





#5 Be with the Right Kind of people.


Be with people who share your passion, feed your soul, care about you, understand you and don't ask you to change. That my dear friends, is a simple formula for happiness. Instead of being with people who you think you'll like, be with people who genuinely like you. It's tough to figure out but then nothing is impossible. Life is too short to waste on people who don't deserve you and make you feel bad about yourself. Never let anyone tell you that you're not good enough, you are, they are just too blind to see it.




#6 Don't cry for something you didn't fight for.





If you want something fight for it, give it all you have instead of curling up in a corner and sulking about it. You need to fight your own battles, no one will do that for you. It is your life after all.




#7 Make Peace with Yourself.



Yes, make peace With yourself. Some time ago I had read that acceptance is the biggest teacher and I outright rejected it. The year slowly taught me the same lesson. If you're bad at some sport or at being a good friend or any other thing for that matter, accept that you are bad at it. It Is Fine. Only after you accept it, will you be actually ready to do something about it. Bad at Cricket? Take classes to improve your game. Pat yourself and scold yourself too. But don't let others' words affect you too much.




#8 Take a Break

 In the rush of life today, we so often forget to slow down and be grateful for our lives. We are too busy with work. Take care of yourself first. Your health and mental peace come before any test/project/deal. Ensure it. Once in a while take a break, go out , breathe the fresh air, listen to the birds chirp, feel the ground, the grass, see the vast sky. Remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing and re-energize yourself for it. Put yourself first.

Of Stress, Exams, and Me

I am so stressed at the moment, nothing is able to calm me down. I feel like a volcano which is going to explode any second now. So I decided to vent out on the blog. my pre-ISC are due 14 days from now, ...And the syllabus needless to say is humongous & I needless to say, haven't finished it. It is now that I see the glaring loop-holes of our education system  crystal clear, mocking me for falling prey to them. So much theory, so much theory, so much theory, I feel like I'm compiling an encyclopedia in my notes. There are so many concepts, so many finer aspects, so much to understand and learn that it has overwhelmed me right now. 
I have five subjects, out of which Political Science is my least favorite. I mean I love reading about American Congress and stuff but then don't ask me memorize it and reproduce it on my exam sheet. It stresses me out. I mean there is so much we all know which we don't write down but then we still know it na? It is still there in our memory. A few chapters to comprehend and mug up are okay, but then sooooo many? Really? What are we? Machines? or better, Microsoft Word? I am aware that writing long answers is a way of testing our understanding of the concepts and grasp of the subject but hello, there are other ways too, which are less stressful for students like multiple choice questions, weekly tests, practical application tests, etc, etc.
It is my fault also, I agree, I can't remember stuff for long; like I can remember them fairly long but not like very long. I have to read so many chapters that suppose I read chapter one today, by the time I read chapter 20 I will have forgotten the details of the first chapter. It is obviously common with everyone, but it at the moment frightens me.

What if I don't do well in my pre-boards? Some colleges check these marks for admission and, as if there are many seats for a 'general' student. SCs and STs get 50% seats, students of the state get 10% . Considering that there are 60 seats, 60% are already reserved, so I have to compete in the remaining 24 seats where students from all over the country are applying?! Not that I doubt my abilities or my getting into a good college but then it scares me. Other colleges take boards marks into consideration. What if I spoil it there? Then? What next?

And even though it'd be wiser if I stopped writing this post now and went off to study, I don't want to . SEE! That's the kind of pressure I am under -- every second I spend doing anything other than studying I feel Guilty. I feel defeated, like I am cheating my own self into a bad life. My friends say I stress too much but then there is simply no way I can stop it from happening it isn't like I tell myself "Let's start to stress and then I start. No no no. It just kicks in. They say stress is harmful for me but then isn't not studying, scoring low, not getting into the college I wish to, not being to prove myself both as a remarkable female and a human, ruining my life harmful too? My parents are thankfully the cooperative ones. They don't fret if I get low marks but then I fret. They are my marks na! How do I not? There's simply so much to study & learn.

 I feel better now. The magma is receding and the surrounding atmosphere is cooling down. And also when you read this don't take all my words very very seriously, I was stressed after all! ;)

A New Morning #2

This is a continuation of a post I wrote in February, click here to read the preceding part.

It was her first day in the college and she had, in her excitement, forgotten to silence her phone.
The phone rang all of a sudden and everyone stared at her. She was too embarrassed to return their penetrating looks. Her slim hand with the blue bracelet which clearly showed her eclectic preferences in fashion, jerked rather roughly, as if it was awoken from a long peaceful slumber. Her fingers groped the phone and she rejected the call before unlocking her phone and activating the silent mode. She promptly got up after doing this, adjusting her blue jeans which hung attentively at her waist and pulled it up for better fitting and apologized to the professor in the classroom assuring him that such an incident would not be repeated.
The professor spilled a few words in anger and then said to her, "Sit down."
The class was over within an hour and she grabbed her classmate-cum-roommate-cum-friend, took her under the shady tree which was first among the line of a huge number of trees and was nearest to the entrance gate of the college. She pulled out her phone, which bore enough evidence of having been purchased recently, and checked the person who was responsible for the happenings of the day. Seeing the name, her face slowly lit up.

She pressed the call icon on the screen and waited to be connected. Each second of waiting made her more anxious, she hoped it was good news on the other end.

Suddenly a rough voice shook her out of her worries, "hello... Hello?"

"Hey Sam, it's me.", she said rather softly "sorry.. I was in the midst of a lecture, had to reject the call. Any success?"

The jarring voice spoke again, this time more tenderly, " Well yeah, I called to inform you about that. I got the number; should I message it to you?"

"Sure, do."

She saw a petite figure approaching in a saree with a purse at her elbow, the sunlight made it difficult to discern any more. The figure was approaching them and her friend, being the adventurous one rushed to find out who it was. She could see her friend folding her hands into a namaste, then turn to her and wave her hand across her neck to motion her to end the call. She understood the signal and hung up after an abrupt bye. Her friend reached her within seconds of her ending the call. With the figure.

.... to be continued.

Te Amo

( Gosh, my love for Spain and Spanish seems to be spilling into the titles! :P English next time, promise! )

Love. It is really one of the most used and abused word in our vocabularies. Ask a guy who hardly knows English, he will invariably know the meaning of 'love' even if he doesn't know the number of alphabets in the language! Love has been romanticized, idealized, worshiped and what not in the past. There are legendary love stories, pray, who hasn't heard of Romeo and Juliet? Or our very own Heer and Ranjhanna? Bollywood churns out movie after movie on the same theme : love. Our daily soaps cry for change!
(Obviously it's of no avail. )
Here I'm not going to further raise the status of love but rather present my views on it. They may, rather, they are cynical, but are mine and in no way wish to alter your views forcefully on the subject.
Love to me is humorous, silly. 

1. People in love are always consumed in thoughts
Thoughts about? Heavens know what! But you always see them thinking, musing with all seriousness, as if the future of the human race hangs on their pensive thoughts. Break their train of thoughts and they still seem disconnected. You have to repeat your description (from the beginning, yes!) for them all again. 

Yeah!

2. The wrong people always end up together.
The people who you least expect to see together take their vows of eternal love in front of your eyes! The Byronic hero/heroine gets the athlete, the poet gets the cheerleader, the sports king/queen gets the extrovert, and so on.. And even though reading them here does not make you realize the intensity of harm done to the universe by such "couples", you should take my word for it. It is always weird, at times super-funny too!

3. PDA
Need I say more? 

4.Silly names, rituals and wishes
Why on earth will you be liked to be called "puchu", "guchu" or wait, how about "tweety"? There are tons more I've heard people say. Some force you to stifle a laughter and look all serious and continue with utmost normalcy whatever you were doing. Tough.
Good morning, goodnight, good class, etc., etc. The wishes and simultaneous rituals don't seem to have an end. Exhausting. 

5. Stories you don't wish to hear.
Everyone has that one friend who tells you snippets of their life, even though you beg them to stop. From how they picked up their partner's pen to what the other has/had for lunch, nothing is left out and while your friend is telling you about it, you are busy planning an escape route! God be with you!

The Tremors

I had no intention of dedicating a post to this topic, I'm not much of a Geography-Geology enthusiast. But. what happened back yesterday deserves a post!

As all my class-mates already know, it's summer-vacation-time and we have our exams the very first day our educational institution re-opens. So yup, we are supposed to study this whole vacation for the tests! Not that I dislike the vacation study part, I personally take a lot of time to understand a single lesson, sometimes even four to five days (yes, that's abnormal I know) and am usually crammed for time to finish all my lessons. My speed, no wonder. So I'm really glad about the vacations. 
Yesterday I wasn't reading any lesson, I had decided to take a Two-Day-Long-Break to just, you know, rewind and refresh (ya, I know that's abnormal too :P ). So I was lying down on my bed wondering about the various ways our new Prime Minister-in-Waiting could change the country within the next sixty months, when my cell phone rang. It was my cousin and we soon began to babble about a melange of issues. After we finished all we could think of talking at that time, I handed over the cell to my sister who had just walked into the room.
I went out to the drawing room to catch up on IPL. Barely had I sat down on the sofa, when I felt the ground trembling. For a moment I felt I was imagining and feeling things that weren't even real.I told dad that I felt the ground shaking, expecting my statement to elicit a roar of laughter from everyone in the room, but thankfully it didn't. Dad said he felt it too. It suddenly struck me that it could be An Earthquake and within no time my mind flashed images of the moving tectonic plates, just like the ones i had drawn in my geography test back in eighth grade.

Without even a moment's thought I yelled "RUN!" and just as soon as I said it there was a second round of shake and this one was way more stronger. I bellowed out to my sister who was on the phone to run out and I dashed out of the house. Almost immediately my sister and parents followed. My neighbors too, rushed down the apartment,all in their night-suits (it was around 10 in the night, what do you expect?). Everyone began asking if everyone else was fine and related things. some of my neighbors who live on one of the higher floors said they saw their furniture moving. My mother was of the same opinion about our house.
After about 15 minutes of a desperate wait for nature's fury to stop all of us decided to go back in. As usual, I was the first one in. I entered my room to check if everything was alright, what hit was another sudden realization- I was shivering.
I don't know since when I had been shivering or for that matter 'why' I was shivering. I blame adrenaline now (fight-or-flight, remember?) . Soon everyone was home and we dined quietly and retired to our beds after having thanked god.

When I think of it now, I'm just so glad to have gone through this experience. It was such a different zone altogether. It makes me think how assured we are about our lives, of  how a slight tremor gets people rushing out of their homes. It makes me wonder about how guaranteed we take Nature and her laws, of how small and insignificant we, as humans, are compared to her.In all the chaos of the earthquake and the subsequent effects it had on people, one thing is crystal clear- The Earth does not belong to the Humans, Humans belong to the Earth.