Of College, School and Smiles

Hey guys! 

Hope everyone's doing great. My life has been a huge roller coaster lately and even though I get time to post I lack the inspiration at times. Now, when my exams are hardly four days away I feel that I should write (see how weird my brain processes are?) before I get to writing anything let me clear any doubts of any human regarding if college is better than school. No. It is Not. It is so not better. 

Well of course, its more glamorous, and you feel a sense of adulthood when you tell people you're in college, but that's mostly it, no other great perks. It's rather more difficult than school in a way.

 You are just informed about the VAST syllabus, thousand assignments and hundreds of exam. You are responsible for your work.

 Remember those days back in school when the teachers used to correct our "Homework"? Well no one does it in college. Though it is a relief in one sense it is also equally a bane- no one simply cares if you have written anything or not, so when the exams come you're on your own,no one else can be blamed. smart, isn't it? It's fun too.

You have to make your own schedule of study, you HAVE to submit those assignments. No one cares when, how, or where, they just have to magically appear on the teacher's desk on the date of submission. No excuses. This can be done two ways - Either you work on a select portion everyday with a conscious plan of completing it ,or, like me stay up the entire night before the submission day and scribble whatever words related to the topic you can find and pray that your teacher doesn't rusticate you on the grounds of utterly disappointing assignments. Yeah.

Another weird thing about college is that there are no breaks. I mean, hello!? Aren't we humans supposed to eat? College is responsible for half of the malnutrition phases that I mentally imagine myself going through when I'm in the class. What is the use of not assigning breaks? Sure class sessions can be longer and stuff, but wait, if I'm hungry you think I'll be able to focus  in that extended time period ? Let me just eat please! Puh-lease!

A serious thing that troubles me about my college in specific (hope your college doesn't irritate you about this) is the lack of proper sanitation facilities. There are such few open washrooms, the ones that are open are invariably mildly stinky. Though their are more washrooms in the campus they are locked. I did think of going and complaining about it but then I decided that I should inspect all the other washrooms before I do so. So I did. And what I found wasn't pleasing. The washroom was great it had so many facilities, but it wasn't kept that way. It had been littered and dirtied. People had thrown things right on the lid of the dustbin to escape the minute effort of having to lift the lid. So yeah, good hygiene habits and sanitation facilities are very necessary.

But 

Apart from all that college is fun, you have a sense of independence and get to steer your life on your own. So have fun where ever you are whether it's in college or in school, you'll miss it when its over.Smile your way through it all :)

Friends Perhaps

"You're the stupidest person I've ever met" read the What-I-Think-of-You section of her slam book.
That's what he thought of her? The stupidest person whom he had ever met? Really? She read and re-read it, over a dozen times until it became absolutely clear to her that what she was reading was indeed written. She traced the movement of the pen as it had glided over the paper temporarily leaving behind permanent marks which disturbed her thoughts. Not that she had special affection in reserve for him, nothing of the sort. But then they were friends and classmates; she had expected softer and sweeter words, also considering that this was perhaps their last year of being together in the same institution.
They had begun as any two friends begin- as strangers. They were however in the same class and the intersecting set of their common interests seemed to be greater than usual. So they gradually became friends. Then good friends.
Today, on the last day before the impending examinations she had brought her slam book to treasure the few people whom she actually liked in the large fair of different types of people ranging from the simpleton to the queen of faked-ness that her class was. He was among the chosen few.
Though their conversations had decreased over the course of the previous two years she felt an underlying sense of familiarity with him. A sort of connection that didn't need a formal acknowledgment. They were friends.
Yet a lot had changed in the two years. She wasn't the strong person she was at the beginning of the two years. She had turned into something she herself couldn't realize, any attempt to make her comprehend the perceptible changes met with staunch denial from her side. He had changed too, got thinner, better at studies, had a girlfriend now and was probably more widely known.
She didn't really get along with everyone in the group, she wasn't comfortable. So she changed her company but at the same time maintained her friendship with the chosen few.
This sudden distance that was evident from his comment in the book was actually not all that sudden. Though he had always kept a level of friendship and had even consoled her during one of the emotional lows, she felt herself and him as a consequence, to be different.
Her mind began to wander. Perhaps she was imagining all of it, perhaps it hadn't even occurred! She glanced at the slam book and it was the end of these doubt. New doubt cropped up in her head-on maybe she was the only one who felt the connection and not he, maybe she had imagined the entire friendship maybe she was the only one amongst the two who thought the other to be a friend and a sensible person. Maybe the world was a lie.
She started out of the window and saw the sun dipping into the water leaving behind a palette of red and orange. It seemed to be rather rough, as if the last time the brush touched it left it bruised and wounded. She saw the birds flying together in the V- formation, wondering the basis on which the order of precedence was decided. Did friends support friends? She peered down at the fence that surrounded the garden and saw a gray cat lying there on the soft green grass as it mused about thoughts unknown to man. And some, perhaps, known.

Of Stress, Exams, and Me

I am so stressed at the moment, nothing is able to calm me down. I feel like a volcano which is going to explode any second now. So I decided to vent out on the blog. my pre-ISC are due 14 days from now, ...And the syllabus needless to say is humongous & I needless to say, haven't finished it. It is now that I see the glaring loop-holes of our education system  crystal clear, mocking me for falling prey to them. So much theory, so much theory, so much theory, I feel like I'm compiling an encyclopedia in my notes. There are so many concepts, so many finer aspects, so much to understand and learn that it has overwhelmed me right now. 
I have five subjects, out of which Political Science is my least favorite. I mean I love reading about American Congress and stuff but then don't ask me memorize it and reproduce it on my exam sheet. It stresses me out. I mean there is so much we all know which we don't write down but then we still know it na? It is still there in our memory. A few chapters to comprehend and mug up are okay, but then sooooo many? Really? What are we? Machines? or better, Microsoft Word? I am aware that writing long answers is a way of testing our understanding of the concepts and grasp of the subject but hello, there are other ways too, which are less stressful for students like multiple choice questions, weekly tests, practical application tests, etc, etc.
It is my fault also, I agree, I can't remember stuff for long; like I can remember them fairly long but not like very long. I have to read so many chapters that suppose I read chapter one today, by the time I read chapter 20 I will have forgotten the details of the first chapter. It is obviously common with everyone, but it at the moment frightens me.

What if I don't do well in my pre-boards? Some colleges check these marks for admission and, as if there are many seats for a 'general' student. SCs and STs get 50% seats, students of the state get 10% . Considering that there are 60 seats, 60% are already reserved, so I have to compete in the remaining 24 seats where students from all over the country are applying?! Not that I doubt my abilities or my getting into a good college but then it scares me. Other colleges take boards marks into consideration. What if I spoil it there? Then? What next?

And even though it'd be wiser if I stopped writing this post now and went off to study, I don't want to . SEE! That's the kind of pressure I am under -- every second I spend doing anything other than studying I feel Guilty. I feel defeated, like I am cheating my own self into a bad life. My friends say I stress too much but then there is simply no way I can stop it from happening it isn't like I tell myself "Let's start to stress and then I start. No no no. It just kicks in. They say stress is harmful for me but then isn't not studying, scoring low, not getting into the college I wish to, not being to prove myself both as a remarkable female and a human, ruining my life harmful too? My parents are thankfully the cooperative ones. They don't fret if I get low marks but then I fret. They are my marks na! How do I not? There's simply so much to study & learn.

 I feel better now. The magma is receding and the surrounding atmosphere is cooling down. And also when you read this don't take all my words very very seriously, I was stressed after all! ;)