To The Shore

I left you on the shore: To wash yourself, to let you live your life your way. I left you there because I saw no other alternative. I left you there because it was the only way for a peaceful existence. I left you, yes I did, because that’s what you wanted. We’d been trying so hard for months to fit in, to make it work for us, but it never did. We were always weirdos for the world. And it is the bitter truth that the world doesn’t want diversity if it threatens them, it only desires diversity that it can co-exist with, understand, and if required overpower. There is no place for two green skinned humans to survive here. There is no way we would be accepted for who we are. The world here works in weird ways you see - humans are divided into so many divisions of race, caste, sex, nationality and so on that it at times makes me wonder if they do really remember their true purpose, their true nature. I guess we’ll never know. It as mystic to us as we must be to them, if they knew us. But they don’t. Nor will they ever know.

You remember when we first woke up to our reality? How frightened we were? How afraid of not only ourselves but also of the world we were? I remember you said you felt “different but in a mixed way”. I’ve always wondered why you said “different in a mixed way”, it wasn’t until our argument few days ago that I realized what you truly felt. I did know but I didn’t. I hope you get it, because it is the only way I can put it in words. Your elation at discovering that we were the ones who were supposed to better life here was un-miss-able. You sang your plans to me for a long while. After that, I saw you grow sad. I didn’t comprehend. But now I know, I feel your inhibition and I’m so sorry to say that it is your inhibition which has made you leave.  To be frank, I understand the world doesn’t want to see us for who we are or get to know us, it just wants us to get into the existing groove of monotony that their lives are. So we paint ourselves. We paint ourselves every weekend from head to toe in paint, into a colour that not only covers our skin but also makes it impossible to distinguish us from other humans. I remember when once the post man saw a little of green on my palm he cursed at me and threatened to shoot me. This was when he wasn’t even aware of the reality of my green skin. We have to live a false life. We have to.

To be honest we were doing so well. Waking up every morning, getting dressed, going to work, coming back and sleeping at night. We had fit in amazingly when suddenly you began to feel different about our mutual plan of living as normal humans do. You started yelling about “not fulfilling our real purpose”, of being sucked into the luxury, of forgetting our roots, our mission here. You wanted to remove the paint, go out in the green coloured skin and do the work you were supposed to do. You wanted to be yourself and were tired of putting up a facade. But. What you don’t realize is that this is the only way we can survive. This is the only way we get to live. If we bared ourselves to the world we wouldn’t receive appreciation, admiration or anything positive that you have in mind; we will instead be ridiculed, punished, interrogated, looked at with suspicious eyes, be subjected to researches and tests. We won’t be able to live.

I’ve tried so many times to make you understand these tiny truths that people appreciate you until you threaten them. I’ve told you there is no place for being real, living without a facade here but you won’t agree. You’ve set your mind on being “The True You”. This hurts my chances of survival here and puts me in the direct purview of suspicion if anything were to happen to you. I’m going to go back and live on with the paint. It is the only way to survive. I cannot allow this. I can’t allow you to be you. That is why I’ve brought you here today, to the shore. To the place where you said you feel nice and real. I’ve brought you here so that you can feel that way always. I’ve brought you here so that you can wash off your paint. So that you can be You.

 

Two Boats

Well it’s been a long journey. And I’m not yet tired. There is still so much left to explore and discover, and even if we run out of things to explore and discover we will have a nice time basking in the memories of our journey. Although a part of me wants that this journey never end, and we travel together all the time, but another part of me knows that this will not be possible. We can’t be in the same boat when we have to travel to different destinations. So unwillingly I have to accept the inevitability of the fact that you and I will travel in different boats for quite some time now.

I know that even though our destinations are different and we both are equally unsure about our reaching them in time, we are guided by the same drive: hunger for achievement. All psychology students will tell you there are primarily four drives in a human being. I consider the drive for achievement to be the dominating one in both of us. After all, we didn’t come onto earth to live and soak in its beauty without contributing to it in whichever way possible. And when we have a chance to choose the way, why not choose the best and make it large?

At times, the way we’ll choose will make us run after it, run all through the day. There will be a point where we’ll feel like giving up on the chosen way and also, on ourselves. Ah! But that is the real test of passion, to hold onto your choice even when nothing around you seems to be making sense. To stay with your choice when the world is telling you to give up. To stay determined. There are ought to be moments when you feel down but remember your greater purpose, the reason for your drive and keep moving. There is no problem if you move slowly; the problem arises if you refuse to move. So don’t.

There will be moments of utter happiness and satisfactions too, enjoy them, but also know that they too, like moments of sorrow are temporary. Remember when Chandragupta Maurya won a battle he did not spend away all night celebrating, he rather started to plan his next move. We need to move with that focus. We need to make our names that large, so that kids centuries after us, know who we were and why we were.

Needless to say there will always be up and downs and we have to face them both with equal courage and foresight. The reason why a term for a roller coaster going only up isn’t coined is because it is highly improbable. The two have to co-exist, up and down, black and white, sweet and sour; that’s what makes our little time on earth worthy of remembering.

We both are similar and not same. I don’t expect you to take the same decisions I consider right, but I do expect you to not take a different decision just because I chose the one you wanted. We can share.

What remains at the end of the day is only how much we contribute, in our own ways, and how close did we get to our greater purpose. I hope we both always remember this and keep moving. After all, there is going to be a time when we both will be on the same boat, for the same destination, again.

This is a piece of work I wrote for my best friend an year ago and never had the wish to email it.

 

Of College, School and Smiles

Hey guys! 

Hope everyone's doing great. My life has been a huge roller coaster lately and even though I get time to post I lack the inspiration at times. Now, when my exams are hardly four days away I feel that I should write (see how weird my brain processes are?) before I get to writing anything let me clear any doubts of any human regarding if college is better than school. No. It is Not. It is so not better. 

Well of course, its more glamorous, and you feel a sense of adulthood when you tell people you're in college, but that's mostly it, no other great perks. It's rather more difficult than school in a way.

 You are just informed about the VAST syllabus, thousand assignments and hundreds of exam. You are responsible for your work.

 Remember those days back in school when the teachers used to correct our "Homework"? Well no one does it in college. Though it is a relief in one sense it is also equally a bane- no one simply cares if you have written anything or not, so when the exams come you're on your own,no one else can be blamed. smart, isn't it? It's fun too.

You have to make your own schedule of study, you HAVE to submit those assignments. No one cares when, how, or where, they just have to magically appear on the teacher's desk on the date of submission. No excuses. This can be done two ways - Either you work on a select portion everyday with a conscious plan of completing it ,or, like me stay up the entire night before the submission day and scribble whatever words related to the topic you can find and pray that your teacher doesn't rusticate you on the grounds of utterly disappointing assignments. Yeah.

Another weird thing about college is that there are no breaks. I mean, hello!? Aren't we humans supposed to eat? College is responsible for half of the malnutrition phases that I mentally imagine myself going through when I'm in the class. What is the use of not assigning breaks? Sure class sessions can be longer and stuff, but wait, if I'm hungry you think I'll be able to focus  in that extended time period ? Let me just eat please! Puh-lease!

A serious thing that troubles me about my college in specific (hope your college doesn't irritate you about this) is the lack of proper sanitation facilities. There are such few open washrooms, the ones that are open are invariably mildly stinky. Though their are more washrooms in the campus they are locked. I did think of going and complaining about it but then I decided that I should inspect all the other washrooms before I do so. So I did. And what I found wasn't pleasing. The washroom was great it had so many facilities, but it wasn't kept that way. It had been littered and dirtied. People had thrown things right on the lid of the dustbin to escape the minute effort of having to lift the lid. So yeah, good hygiene habits and sanitation facilities are very necessary.

But 

Apart from all that college is fun, you have a sense of independence and get to steer your life on your own. So have fun where ever you are whether it's in college or in school, you'll miss it when its over.Smile your way through it all :)

#Let'sTalkAbout-- Depression

I'm a Psychology student. One of my family members suffered from Depression. None of us have any feeling of guilt or embarrassment in talking about it. Depression has nothing to do with how strong one is, rather the strongest are those who admit to need of help and not they, who sit around and declare them to me mad. In India, there are social stigmas attached to several things one of which is depression. Why? I ask. When there is no stigma around having any physical disease then why is having a curable mental illness stigmatized?
Friends try to brush away the topic or at declare one to be attention-hungry and thus "Doing drama". But Depression is not drama, nor is it seeking attention, it is not anything an ill-informed prejudiced person tells you; It is-
A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts. It interferes with daily life, normal functioning, and causes pain for both the person with the disorder and those who care about him or her.
A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Depression is a common but serious illness, and most people who experience it need treatment to get better. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people who suffer from depression.
Depression can sometimes occur without any apparent cause, other times it may be triggered by a traumatic experience. Studies also blame certain genes for pre-disposing people to depression. 

India has the most number of depressed people in the World, it also has the highest Suicide rate in the world. As early as 2011, 36% of the nation was suffering from Depression, in 2012 over 2,50,000 individuals committed suicide. And yet, talking openly about depression is a taboo in the country. While people have no qualms in visiting a doctor when they have cold n cough, people hesitate largely to visit a psychologist when they feel they have a mental ailment as they consider it to be a fruit of their own minds and thoughts thus holding themselves responsible.
Indians, generally, do not wish to discuss the topic of depression due to the outdated orthodox belief that if someone is suffering from it he/she must be mad. Many people are apprehensive about consulting a doctor for their mind, as they are afraid of being judged not only by the society at large but also by their own family members.
This however needs to be changed. The topic of Depression needs to be de-stigmatized.
Depression is just another disease, and like any other ailment can be cured by medicines if one consults a doctor at the right time. The hush-hush discussions about depression need to be done openly without any shame. The patients needs to be convinced that it is not their fault, and that having depression does not imply that they are mad. We need to broaden our mindsets to accommodate the simple fact that mental ailments are not a cause for ostracizing people or to gossip about them. Mental ailments need to accepted like any physical ailment would be, and be treated.
A nation of 1.2 billion people deserves to talk openly about mental illnesses the way it would about any physical illness.

A New Morning #2

This is a continuation of a post I wrote in February, click here to read the preceding part.

It was her first day in the college and she had, in her excitement, forgotten to silence her phone.
The phone rang all of a sudden and everyone stared at her. She was too embarrassed to return their penetrating looks. Her slim hand with the blue bracelet which clearly showed her eclectic preferences in fashion, jerked rather roughly, as if it was awoken from a long peaceful slumber. Her fingers groped the phone and she rejected the call before unlocking her phone and activating the silent mode. She promptly got up after doing this, adjusting her blue jeans which hung attentively at her waist and pulled it up for better fitting and apologized to the professor in the classroom assuring him that such an incident would not be repeated.
The professor spilled a few words in anger and then said to her, "Sit down."
The class was over within an hour and she grabbed her classmate-cum-roommate-cum-friend, took her under the shady tree which was first among the line of a huge number of trees and was nearest to the entrance gate of the college. She pulled out her phone, which bore enough evidence of having been purchased recently, and checked the person who was responsible for the happenings of the day. Seeing the name, her face slowly lit up.

She pressed the call icon on the screen and waited to be connected. Each second of waiting made her more anxious, she hoped it was good news on the other end.

Suddenly a rough voice shook her out of her worries, "hello... Hello?"

"Hey Sam, it's me.", she said rather softly "sorry.. I was in the midst of a lecture, had to reject the call. Any success?"

The jarring voice spoke again, this time more tenderly, " Well yeah, I called to inform you about that. I got the number; should I message it to you?"

"Sure, do."

She saw a petite figure approaching in a saree with a purse at her elbow, the sunlight made it difficult to discern any more. The figure was approaching them and her friend, being the adventurous one rushed to find out who it was. She could see her friend folding her hands into a namaste, then turn to her and wave her hand across her neck to motion her to end the call. She understood the signal and hung up after an abrupt bye. Her friend reached her within seconds of her ending the call. With the figure.

.... to be continued.

Haider: A Movie Review

Haider 

I'm writing this blog almost immediately after having watched Haider (immediately if you don't count my dinner :P) I was awaiting the movie since long and was already mesmerized by it's soulful music. Bismil and Aao na are way too good to not be favourites.


my rating- 4/5  (go watch it!)

About the movie now.
Haider has been directed by Vishal Bhardwaj and is an adaptation of Shakespeare's play hamlet. Vishal Bhardwaj has adapted the bard's play into beautiful movies before too, Maqbool (Macbeth), and Omkara (Othello) were also based on plays by him. Siddharth Roy Kapoor and Vishal Bhardwaj have co produced the film. The cast of the movie includes a melange of talent ranging from Shahid portraying the young Haider, Shraddha Kapoor playing Aisha, a journaltist, Tabu, Haider's mother, Kay Kay Menon, as Khurram Meer , Haider's uncle to Narendra Jha as Haider's father. Irrfan Khan also has a special role in the movie.

The film is set in Srinagar in 1995. Haider's father the life saving doctor brings home a wanted militant to treat him when there is a crackdown. he is taken into custody and then disappears. Young Haider returns from Aligarh to see his mother enjoying her time with Khurram, her husband's brother not long after his father was taken away. He sets out on a search to find his father who has simply disappeared. He tries every legal option and when that is exhausted resorts to unlawful ways. Haider is then determined to murder his uncle, who, he is informed, was responsible for his father's death. The film then explores the various acts of aggression and the mental upheavals experienced by a young boy.

Haider is a bold film. its a fresh piece of daring cinema. it is probably Bhardhwaj's best film so far (don't take my word for it, I haven't seen all his films) the tragic location of Kashmir fits the cinema's atmosphere perfectly and it brings forth several word-less emotions. it goes beyond the entertainment, dance-and-songs and portrays a story worth watching. the characters are all strong in there own ways and they do not try to please the audience. Haider reminded me of the kite runner, the tortured soul,  he is too. the movie calls a spade a spade. the characters play hero as well as villains at different points in the movie. it explores the various facets of the Kashmir problem and does not, at the same time, endorse any particular way or solution.
Bharadwaj explores several themes- violence is Destructive is the most dominating one. Entire families are wiped out, policemen lose their lives within the blink of an eye, the young, the old, the troubled are all a depressed lot and this is somehow augmented by the location. Clouds of smoke against the pristine white snow, pools of blood too contribute to the haunting experience. The director has also dealt with the Oedipal Complex, Haider is a man who loves his mother beyond the normal and at the same time detests her for having betrayed his father.
the dialogues are good too. sentences like 'Hum hai ya hum nahin?', bring out the unconfirmed confused identity of the people. Haider even remarks 'Pura Kashmir ek quaid khana hai'.
The movie flows beautifully before the interval, no overwhelming songs, or dances and no melodrama. The second half however feels extremely long and towards the end one gets impatient due to the lengthy duration of the film.The music is nice and rustic. Some local songs have also been incorporated like Rosh Vallo; other than Khul  Kabhi which feels unnecessary and needless, the other songs blend into the movie and transport the viewer forcing her/him to feel the emotions of the scene.
There is flawless acting on the part of Tabu. she brings out the desire of Ghazala to experience happiness in conflicting, tragic situations and be denied of it every single time. She carries a major part of the film. Kay Kay Menon convinces one of his finesse in acting, he play the villain and the hero with equal grit. Shahid in the beginning feels disconnected however gradually the actor comes to own the role, he cries, screams, laughs, fights with equal passion. Shraddha does not have much role, the little that she has, she portrays confidently.
All in all, Haider is a must watch for people who are tired of entertainment movies. It leaves the audience with food for thought and is haunting and appealing at the same time.