Life Games

Life and I, life and I we have this game, you know. 

I just have to like a guy,

turn to life, say "him".

Life will look at me, grin like a teenage boy after his first puff of cigarette
and blow the guy up in smokes. 

Smokes that are as gray as the color of the pessimism and failure combined. 

You see the first time I liked a guy

I was at school in the basket ball court trying to dribble my way past his charm. 

I convinced myself it was puppy love
and that 3 pointers are not the best if you don't know how to hold the ball and aim.
Worse if you don't know  the game. 

Three months in, I'm with the same guy learning how to shoot better 3 pointers. 

That night, life knocks on my door, "Do you like that guy?"

"Yes" I confess, sweating like I do after a pre-match warm up.

The next thing I know, 

We're in different colleges and well, in different cities. 

Never works out. 

Life suddenly grins through the ashes of all my emotions that I have hidden.

Emotions that I've had but don't want to agree to,

Emotions that I never want to speak about,

Emotions that I find in all sad songs now that I listen to them hard enough. 

Emotions that don't let me finish me my meals,

Emotions that don't let me finish this list,

Emotions that are best left as a pile of ignored ash. 

I like someone new after years. 

We stand around a pet reptile cage and talk about events I must go to. 

It makes me feel like cracking a reptile joke already.

One night, life gently slithers into my room 

Catches me texting him

And asks, "do you like him? "

I quickly do the math
And realize life can't throw him to another geographical habitat 

So I proudly say "yes". 

Life camouflages like a chameleon and leaves.
I behave like a complete idiot to this guy. 

Next thing I know, he's dating someone else. 

See that's the thing with this game, life won't always do all the work. 

Sometimes it will mess with your head, make you doubt yourself a million times.

Sometimes it will put questions in your head you never want the answers to.

Sometimes it will make you behave like an idiot
even though deep inside you want to cry and hug someone, 

hug someone, bawl like a baby drown yourself in containers of ice cream that fill your loneliness, 

loneliness that creeps on you like sudden spiders when you thought you cleaned your house, 

cleaned your house of all the memories that you now regret, 

regrets that remind you of days gone past, 

of past and present that never worked out. 

Sometimes you'll be life. And completely hate it. 

Life and I, life and I we have this game, you know. 

I just have to like a guy,

turn to life, say "him".

Life will look at me, grin like a teenage boy after his first puff of cigarette
and blow him up in smokes of impossible.