Random Musings

I had planned to write the next blog only after my examinations got over but then blogging is one guilty pleasure I don't mind indulging in. The previous two months have been very enriching for me. When I say this I mean it both ways, in both my personal and academic spheres. I've learned so much that I feel so grateful today for where I am, and to every little part and experience which led me to this spot. It's true indeed that after the darkest hour comes dawn. The two months to which I have referred above were mentally, spiritually, and physically fatiguing for me. I was broken, lonely and disturbed. Academically I was vulnerable, scared, unsure of my capabilities and afraid to even try. Things change, they always do. I learned some lessons, which I was foolish enough to overlook when life threw an opportunity in path to learn them the easy way.
1. There is always someone to talk to.
One thing that really bogged me down was the lack of good company. The are always classmates and friends to talk to, but that talking is not necessarily the talking I mean here. I can speak to them, listen to them even help them out but there is this sense of absence of a connection that fills my heart at several instances. Not that the people in question are inadequate and inappreciable in any way, they just possess a different temperament. Needless to say, it is perfectly alright. I tried in vain to establish a connection with people I couldn't and failed. It started to make me feel deficient at handling social situations. Then one night, egged on by a mad impulse of mine I decided to do something about it. Today I have many friends, old and new, with whom I can actually talk and feel a sense of connection too. What you want is always there, you just have to look hard enough for it to find it.

2. Everyone is beautiful
This is not a new concept to me. I've always been a staunch supporter in believing that everyone is beautiful in their own way. There is no single and fixed parameter by which you can measure a person, nor can you ever understand a person completely. Why would you want to? To scrutinize her/him? Don't. Just because a girl is rude to you doesn't mean she doesn't deserve what she gets. You know nothing about her battles, triumphs and defeats. Also, physical beauty is only skin deep. An attractive face may attract but, it in no way, means that a person who is not good looking is to be judged unfavorably. Everyone doesn't need to be good at a skill that you are good at, they don't even need to have the same priorities. No one 'needs' to be same. They all have an independent existence, and are entitled to live it any way they want to. Every way is beautiful.

3. There is no forcible need to conform.
I had read up a lot on peer pressure before I entered tenth grade to ensure that I don't fall prey to things that I'll regret later. I didn't. In eleventh grade one of my classmates told a girl who had recently become a part of our class, "There is nothing wrong, just be you, we are all fine with it." It was a big lie. No one is going to like you the way you are, everyone is going to see some or the other flaw in you. No group is going to accept you for who you are, the way you are and let you remain that way. You are going to change, and that's not something bad or scary until of course, you change into something negative. It's fine. The truth is that every group, consciously or unconsciously pressurizes you to change to conform to their norms and standards. You may have to improve at a sport or learn to cook or excel in some field or do something to illustrate your daredevil spirit. The examples are innumerable, but it suffices to say that you do not need to conform if it goes against your wishes and principles. If you lose that group of company, trust me, it is for better. You will always find a group whose lines of conformity do not encumber upon you a burden to accept things that you don't wish to agree to.

4. Stand up for what you believe in.
There are certain individuals I know who have absolutely no haters (not any of which I'm aware of). For a while I envied them. When I later sat and thought about it I realized that these people were not hated because they never stood up for anything, they did not oppose anyone in any endeavor be it right or wrong. That is definitely something I can not do. I'm the loud-box and I'm not ashamed of it. I stand up for my dreams, my beliefs, and things that I consider right and just. I'm not afraid of people hating me (now). You have to take a stand for yourself and your aspirations, no one else will do it for you. People might dislike you for your choices but it gives you a feeling of being able and determined in your pursuits. You'll love that feeling. And when you'll look back in the future what you will not remember is the people who opposed you but the decisions you took. You're the decisions you take, therefore they should be decided by careful consideration and not by people's views. And those people who are not hated by anyone are not loved by any either. 

5. It's is absolutely fine to not get along well with everyone you know.
I had frequent problems getting along with some folks I knew. I was worried that it was wrong, that there was something wrong with me and that I should do something about it. I tried to reconcile, tried my best, poured my heart out to them, and did all I could to make myself understand that this time, the friendship would be a lasting one. I tried and they too tried. It just didn't work out for me. I didn't feel at ease being with them, I felt unreal as if I was cheating my own self, depriving it of the reality when I knew in Crystal clear terms what I wanted. I abandoned them. I left the friend circle I had made after so much of hardwork. It was exceptionally tough, also because they had faithfully kept their part of the bargain and I felt devastated doing what I was doing. I left without any explanation, there was possibly no way I could explain it to them. 

After I did it, I felt so relived, so light and happy. I wanted them to know that there were no hard feelings on my side, I can't even hold grudges long enough. The good thing about this random reckless act was that it left me with a sense of inner strength. I respect those people with whom I wanted to be great friends but owing to some mystic reason was unable to do.  All I hope is that the respect is mutual. 

I feel so pacified after having written all this and also for having the courage to put a piece of my life up here on the blog not only for people to read but also to leave it open to criticism. :) 

'The answers are not always clear or easy: The things that one most wants to do are the things that are probably most worth doing.'
 

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